i feel old.

i feel older than old.

i dislike visiting the doctor

i hate visiting the hospitals; clinics; pharmacies....

i hate whatever those doctors and nurses say

i hate to think about the things that might happen in future if i dont take care from the doctors' mouth; its all just bullshit and i feel so cheated everytime

i hate to feel scared

i hate it when i have to crouch somewhere and shiver in pain

i hate it when i seem weak to others

i hate it when my loved ones worry; esp my mum

i hate it when you doctors can only tell me its getting worst but say there's nth much you all can do but still ask me to go back

i hate it that i cant run now

i hate you for making me have limitations in so many things

i hate you for being weak

i hate you for those days i quarrelled to continue and caused those who cared for me to be in tears

i wonder if i made a right decision not going for an op for my back
i wonder if my knee is really like what you said, out and will never go back

well they seem fine; just occassionally aching for whatever reasons i dont know
its gets more and more regular these days

maybe i just want to push the blame to something else and you two are the best choice; since you two are feeling unwell due to the lack of calcium and my sturbornness

a healthier body is all i wish for since the age of 4 after my first teeth op. but why is it it never ends.
i still wonder if the virus has gone; the doctors didnt even give me a reply though i paid a bomb for only 2 nights there =.=

cant blame me for not being able to trust doctors; they always never seem to give me a solution.
maybe im asking for too much

well as usual life goes on; i wont give a damn to those pain
precautions? they only make my life more sians

my own faults yea? well most people arent obedient to do things that are good for them anyways
yea its my own faults to have all those injuries but if im not borned lacked of calcium all these would have been minimized?
and what about the weak immune system?

maybe i should have been the miscarriaged child and another member could have survived

...just venting...

well im still a very lucky person =)
just being uncontented with minor stuffs occassionally
maybe due to the pains acting up

think about those in Africa; there are so many people suffering
Lifes always like this;
accepting it

Like Nobody's Watching